Wednesday, April 18, 2012

What (Wo)Men Want

Honestly, I've put a lot of thought into this, and anyone that hasn't is probably lying. The flirt dynamic among men, women, and in between is a thing honestly fraught with peril. I don't pretend to be an expert, especially among those dynamics with which I'm unfamiliar. The only help I can offer anyone today is for ladies (and fellas?) who want to attract a fella (lady?) like me, based on my experience regarding things I do and do not like. You might ask, "What brought this on?" I might answer something like "I've heard some goddamned stupid ideas for attracting/keeping a mate."

So here it is, incomplete in all its glory. You'll find hereafter a list of things to do or not to do, which might aid in attracting a person like me, should that be the kind of thing you're into. This is merely a guide on how to maximize your efforts, and I cannot say that this will assist you in any other areas in life.

Do Not:
  • Constantly, vocally wish you were skinnier.
    • ... because I like buxom girls. Please be curvy if possible, so long as it's healthy and reasonable.
  • Constantly berate girls who don't dress to your fashion standards. 
    • ...because if you're the kind of girl I like, you have better things to do. 
  • Believe that male love is something gained by sex and baked goods.
    • My grandma thought that and she was wrong too.
  • Be only a cheerleader for my ambitions
    • I need you to have your own pursuits. Seriously, Give me a night alone every once in a while.
  • Assume that because I'm a fella I'm not into cuddling.
    • In my case, this is universally wrong.
 But still, do not...

  • Assume that I'll ever get over my breast fixation. It just won't happen.
  • Think that me treating you incredibly well is a compensation mechanism. 
    • Consider that I might just be a good person.
    • Realize that I'm probably this nice to my friends too.
  •  Think that I'll ever get bored of smooching or cuddling. I won't. They're the best things ever.
  • Assume that I won't get along with your friends. I probably will on some level, just give it a chance.
  • Hold anything back. The best relationship is built on brutal honesty.
  • Punish me or yourself for voicing honest concerns or opinions
Please do:

  • Communicate honestly. Tell me where you are emotionally and intellectually.
  •  Tell me what lengths you are (not?) willing to go to, emotionally and otherwise.
  • Have no shame for your body and mind as they are... Accept yourself before anyone else can do the same for you.
  • Be eager to improve yourself in some way or another.
  • Be willing to tell me my shortcomings while accepting that I may never overcome them.
There's the short list. What fellows like me enjoy is a companion who is intellectually and emotionally adventurous, curious, and flexible.  I like a girl who can talk in earnest about the place of feminism in our society, then chuckle at my fart jokes.

Thanks for reading. This is not an all-inclusive guide on landing a catch like me, but it could help you on your way to setting proper expectations for a relationship with a bearded nerd-boy like myself, should be share a lot of personality traits with me. Good luck. My ilk are rare, dedicated, and worthwhile, if I may say so.

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